The Disaster of Collective Forgiveness

"To err is human, to forgive is divine".  An excellent quote by the English poet Alexander Pope that should inspire us all.  Forgiveness on a personal level is an act of maturity that emerges from the deep understanding of human nature and the more someone knows, the more he/she forgives.  However, forgiveness is an individual right and not a collective right.   For this same reason, if somebody is convicted and even if the victim drops the charges, the system still impose a punishment on the offender.  Forgetfulness at the personal level is not forgiveness while on a social or collective level both forgetfulness and forgiveness are equivalent.

In our society, things are going in the wrong direction and both the personal and collective acts are disastrous.  We tend to collectively forget and when the same issue is assessed on an individual level, no forgiveness is offered. This should be completely reversed in order to have a healthy society.  For example, if a famous figure in our country makes a mistake, it takes few weeks for people to collectively forget about his/her misconduct.  Thus people have collectively forgiven that person by forgetting.  While when you approach people individually even after years, you notice that people are still holding grudges and bitterness against that person for that same act.

We as individuals have the right to forgive when the damage is inflected on us only and not on others.   Collective forgetfulness is a big problem that paralyzes the system and makes it very difficult for it to evolve.  A good judicial system can not be based on such a phenomena.  People complain about the system and yet they do not even offer a push to that system in the basic needs that fuel up an evolutionary path for it. 

What should we do?

We should be selective in our forgiveness when the damage is social or collective.  This is the role of civil societies and political subgroups of bigger political entities.  

A Commitment with Complaints is not a Commitment

Years ago while I was still residing in Philadelphia, I call an American friend of mine asking him to help me move out of my old apartment at a certain date.  The guy mentioned that he will get back to me after checking his schedule.  Hours later, he calls me to tell me that he can do it.  The day I moved out was hectic, full of last minute unpleasant unpredictable surprises; not enough boxes, late checking in the new apartment, walking more than 1Km back and forth around 10 times in addition to the extreme cold weather of Philadelphia after our moving cart broke down.  I started complaining about the situation but I never heard one complaint from my friend.

Years before that while I was living in Lebanon, I asked a Lebanese friend of mine to take me to my hometown (about 30Km drive) to get some official documents that I needed to submit for the university back then.  It took him less than 10 seconds to say yes.  I mentioned that there will be some traffic on our way there in addition to the expected long waiting for the documents and he interrupted me saying "No problem my friend".  The day we had to go, he calls me in the morning telling me that he forgot about his dentist appointment but he is coming anyway.  On our way there, we got stuck in traffic (predictable in Lebanon in addition to my previous warning) and then I heard "**** ikht el3aj2a" (Curse in Arabic) more than 30 times which average up to 1 curse/Km. We got there and as usual and completely predictable, we had to wait for my official documents for an hour or so and another bunch of curses for the government and the system were thrown left and right.  We finish and we had the traffic problem on the way back as well.

What is the difference between the two cases and which one I prefer?

We are emotional people pressured by unnecessary social commitments where we feel pressured at many points to say yes when we mean no and say no when we want to say yes.  The happiness and support that I felt from the quick reply of my Lebanese friend were great at that moment but all the appreciation transformed into an unease feeling all the way.  Besides I was stunned for the moment by my American friend who told me "I will get back to you after checking my schedule".  However,  my appreciation to the guy kept growing and still growing.

It seems I made a choice on my preference and I made a choice as well on the type of person I want to be in case I was asked for help at any point. Commitment whether it is for a cause, for people, for family and even for ones self is definitely rewarding but it also comes at the price of unpredictability in certain situations specially when it is related to others where it is beyond your control.